I have a Monkey

I have a monkey. He lives with me. I call him “My Monkey”, but his real name is “20 Minutes”. He’s about 32 years old; I got him when I was 20. I love my monkey. We’ve done almost everything together all these years. There’s nowhere I go without him. It’s a nuisance at times; having him at work, out for dinner, on trips to see the family. He really hates airplanes, where we can’t be together during the flight. But my monkey is always there for me, no matter what I’m doing, or where I am, he can be counted on to sooth me, keep me company. I love my monkey. These days, everyone’s in an uproar about keeping things healthy and clean, you really can’t bring your monkey inside anywhere any more, not even bars. Lately though, I’m starting to get the feeling that my monkey does not love me. He’s very bossy. It’s ALWAYS about him, his way, and all the time. He gets very jealous if I want to go somewhere or do something without him. I have to take him everywhere, or else he really makes my life difficult. There are times, even when he’s with me, it’s not enough, he still wants more. For example, sometimes he won’t even let me finish dinner without wanting me to meet him outside. I can’t even sit through a movie without him bugging me, I mean, 2 hours man! When I go to bed, I can count on the fact that it will be him waking me up, wanting me to come be with him. He won’t let me sleep in, even on Sundays. My dog might nudge me in the morning, but the monkey, no way, he’s gonna yank off the covers and yell at me until he gets what he wants. My monkey is suffocating me; I can barely breathe most of the time. I’ve tried to leave my Monkey before, give him to someone who wants him. I always let him come back. I feel like a woman who just can’t leave an abusive relationship. Each time I take him back, we both promise each other that we’ll never leave each other again. And it feels good for several months. Then it all starts over, the Monkey, taking my breath away, bossing me around, and making me spend lots of money. It’s expensive, having a monkey these days. A couple of days ago, I dropped him off with my son. Eli knew a guy who would take my monkey. Then this morning, I saw 20 Minutes at the convenience store, and I paid the $6.00 to bring him home with me again. It’s not gonna work out.

[Image found here.]