This is a Test.

 I'm thinking it's time to blog again.

Pic by: Prasad Ambati

Nothing's Wrong Again

This is the 100th night in a row that Clarise has stepped out of her world and into her bath. She's having a bit of a celebration. One hundred and one days ago this was not possible since she had not yet realized what was wrong with her until that fateful, and wondrous day when she did realize what was wrong with her. It was quite a shock. But since that wondrous day when she did have that realization about what was wrong, things have been really really good. And a big part of that goodness is a bit of time in the bath each night. She undresses in her most elegant bath attire, makes some bubbles, and slips into the warm water. She then starts to tell herself everything that is wonderful in her life, everything that is right. Because about 100 days ago today, she figured out there was nothing wrong with her life!

Pic found here:  http://artodyssey1.blogspot.com/search/label/Vitaly%20Ermolaev

October Wrap

Best October ever. It's been sweet here in the Sonoran Desert since the big heat let up. It happened over night. Cathy and I got 8 nights and days along the Blue River again this year. We stayed in the cabin at the Blue River Wilderness Retreat. We were fortunate to met Don and Jane, the owners of this little part of paradise.  You should book some time there, if you're into peace and quiet and beauty and rest and stuff like that.   According to Don, we were there during the peak of this year's fall color show.  Just doing a little aren't we special type braggin right there.

While we were there my buddy kevJuan came up for a couple days.  We climbed Escudilla, Az's 3rd highest peak.  We put some of our favorite pics here.
And videos here, here and here.

The desert hiking season is here.  I'll be posting pics during the year here.  Today we're heading back over to the McDowells to do a loop hike with kevJuan and Jeannie Moore.   I sprang my ankle 6 weeks ago.  Finally, yesterday I was back on Camelback.  Left most of my problems on that hill again yesterday.   What they say about it taking longer to heal (for us old guys) is a truality.

Coming up this month (actually this week) we got Andy Junior coming for 5 nites.  He and I are scheduled to hike West Clear Creek on Friday, then maybe do a couple days around Young Arizona late next weekend.  They'll be more to come.

Alright, let's get this started:

The whole we/them thing ends with me.

I keep telling Cathy it's not a disorder, it's a syndrome, maybe even just a condition.

Sometimes my wanting things to be different gets out of control.

This is the moment you are waiting for.

If you can't be happy with the money you have, why would you want more?

The insanity of "this is not it"
are you kidding me? this is not it?

And now from some real people:

A man is rich in proportion to the number of things which he can afford to let alone. --Henry David Thoreau

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. Brendan Gill

The Unteller:
It instantly gets a lot better when you quit thinking how it's supposed to be.

Why are you not tickled by what's going on? by now, you should know better.

Why do you care where you are going when you don't even know where you are?


Rumi:

There is a way between voice and presence
where information flows.
In disciplined silence it opens.
With wandering talk it closes.

Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy,
absentminded. Someone sober
will worry about things going badly.
Let the lover be.

We have a huge barrel of wine, but no cups.
That's fine with us. Every morning
we glow and in the evening we glow again.
They say there's no future for us. They're right.
Which is fine with us.

Tao Te Ching - Stephen Mitchell.


If you realize that you have enough,
you are truly rich.

The great way is easy,
yet people prefer the side paths.
Be aware when things are out of balance.
Stay centered within the Tao.

The Master's power is like this.
He lets all things come and go
effortlessly, without desire.
He never expects results;
thus he is never disappointed.
He is never disappointed;
thus his spirit never grows old.


Issa:

Cricket!
Although it was next door you
sang-
I heard you here.

There's a cool breeze!
Now, Grasshoppers, sing,
Sing with all your might!

Red dragon-fly -
He's one too that likes the evening,
Or so it seems.

That's it for this month.  All my best.
your bobJuan.

July Wrap

We had a fantastic July this year. Cathy and I spent about 10 days in southern California visiting some great friends. My girls turned 35 years gorgeous! I put some of our favorite pics from the month here.

Here's what I got for the month:

This whole pursuing pleasure and avoiding pain thing really keeps me busy.

Don't let her wardrobe fool you, she's hip, thru and thru.

This morning while laying in bed I realized that anything more than a face full is a waste.

Every thought I have
Every sound I hear
Happiness, streaming @ me
1,000 miles per hour!

I go down a lot quicker than I get up.

There is no baseline.

And now from some real people:

A Zen student approached his teacher. "I have a problem," he said. "I would like to start a business, but unfortunately, I don't have any money. What shall I do?". "That's simple," said the Zen master. "Why don't you stop thinking about starting a business?". Dainin Katagiri from You Have To Say Something.

Unless we are willing to give up our attachments, we cannot appreciate the priceless jewel of our true nature. Introduction to the Blue Cliff Record.

I've been reading Huston Smith's The World's Religions. Here's some goody I got from there:

Finally my brethren, for well-conducted people life presents no problems (p. 177)

Only those are worthy to govern who would rather be excused. (p. 178)
H.G. Wells once said that God and sex were the only two things that really interested him. (p. 141).

Nirvana: Etymologically it means "to blow out," or "to extinguish," not transitively, but as a fire ceases to draw. Deprived of fuel, the fire goes out, and this is nirvana. Nirvana is the highest destiny of the human spirit and its literal meaning is extinction, but we must be precise as to what is to be extinguished. It is the boundaries of the finite self. It does not follow that what is left will be nothing. Negatively, nirvana is the state in which the faggots of private desire had been completely consumed and everything that restricts the boundless life has died.

That's it for this month.
My best,
your bobJuan.

June Wrap...

We got some mountain time in this month. Cathy stayed @ her dad's mountain home in Pinetop for almost 3 weeks. I got up there two weekends in a row. We were able to spend some time in and around Alpine and another new hike around Poll Knoll near Greer with our friend the kevJuan. I'm glad she's back, we were almost out of clean dishes. Life keeps giving us exactly what we need in harmoniously glorious and sweet proportions!

Here's what I got for June.

As long as there is still something to do, boy oh boy.

This whole wanting thing, what a doozey.

Perfection awaits my presence

endlessly......

If it weren't for women or TV

when was the last time I showered?

Would I be wearing these clothes?

That's one pot

this kettle is not gonna call black.

I gave my personality the day off.

This is the situation I've been looking for.

I've said NO enough, long enough.

Repeat after me. Happiness is not circumstantial.

How much vanity is involved in thinking

THIS is not it.

So, we had a falling out

let's have a falling in.

My day is really simple when I ask myself what it is I really want.

The good life is not having enough money so I can quit participating.

I've seen where that goes.

Give me the ball coach, put me in!

I'm not going to rush this, it's taken me my entire life to get here.

I am responsible for how interesting my life is.

If you want peace, accept your life without conditions.

How can buying something be described as saving money?

It doesn't matter how many chances you get really. It's this one that matters.

And now from some real people:

One, seven, three, five.

The truth you search for cannot be grasped.

As night advances, a bright moon

illuminates the whole ocean;

The dragon's jewels are found in every wave.

Looking for the moon, it is here,

in this wave, in the next. - The Blue Cliff Record.

I did not want to live what was not life. Living is so dear. Henry David Thoreau

The mountain isn't going to climb itself. Bobby Royal. June 28th, 2010.

How much pain they have cost us, the evils which have never happened. --Thomas Jefferson

Inside the Great Mystery that is, we don't really own anything. What is this competition we feel then, before we go, one at a time, through the same gate? Rumi.

I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody. Lily Tomlin

They say that every snowflake is different. If that were true, how could the world go on? How could we ever get up off our knees? How could we ever recover from the wonder of it? Jeanette Winterson

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. Brendan Gill

You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it. Robin Williams

Maintaining a complicated life is a great way to avoid changing it. Elaine St. James

There is not any memory with less satisfaction in it than the memory of some temptation we resisted. James Branch Cabell

That's it for this time.

My best, your bobJuan.

Dave Sabino, Where are you?

I sure would like to find my friend Dave Sabino.

May Wrap

I got so many great pics in May. But, here's the one we're going with. Aaryn. You are a beauty. I am looking forward to the day we can talk! I want to know what you're thinking about.

It's been a beautiful month for us here in Phoenix. Lots of time on the Mountain. We celebrated the Droll family birthday in Rocky Point. My life keeps getting better and better. Oh my. Here's what I got for this month:

I just figured it out, we are 100% compatible.

I can really relax when I let go of my version of how things are supposed to be.

it's the love of this. love has no opposite. it includes everything.

Everything = What I love about you.

We can only do so much but man, oh man, let's go ahead and do it.

the generation that said how it's supposed to be is being replaced by the generation that says how it is.

one thing about the dead
they remind us to live.
every single one of them
told me the same thing.

when was the last time you liked everything?

to love everything
it helps to still the mind.

my personality really has a hold on me.

there might be more to discuss
but there's nothing more to do.

i don't get the point of a shot glass.

more often than not, my take on the situation is wrong.

I can dig myself in deeper and deeper by the minute.

if you feel any tension, let it go. don't believe it. all tension begins in the mind where stories are told.

Once again, I'm convinced, this is Angel's last life in the animal kingdom. you're almost here baby!

isn't it called too much, once you get beyond enough?

karma = your next thought or action = karma

there's variety in every bite of that cat food.

i've been trying to get out of it for years, now, i'm doing my best to get into it.

At the liquor store tonite, on my way home, picking up a 5th of Black Velvet. My guy behind the counter responds to my question about how things are going, saying things are going great. I got a good job, I got nothing to complain about. I said, I know, I got a great job too, a wife that loves me, money in my pocket, things are wonderful. I just need something to wash it all down with every now and again.

you don't become different by staying the same

we behave like we must live at all costs this will certainly be our end.

you don't get better by pressing the snooze button

some folks celebrate a government contract, easy big money there are others who complain about government waste and taxes just leave my slice alone will ya? it takes all of us to make this world go 'round.

i'm doing remarkably well considering i hardly do anything i'm supposed to

So, you think things should be going a certain way. How's that working for ya?

And one from a real person:

You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand. Woodrow T. Wilson

That's it for this time. My best, your bobJuan.

April Wrap

My goodness, a lot of good stuff went down in April. Let's get started. In the picture this month we have Isolde Jones (ZoZo). Our neighbor since we've been at this place. She turned 95 on the 10th of April. An inspiration to all. A lovely, kind lady. In this picture, she's sitting on the right, next to my girl.

Eli and Amber returned from their South America adventure. They should be moving back into their house in Portland today. I love me some Eli and Amber every chance I get.

Here's the goodies I've been tracking this month:

Imagine yourself trouble free.

A flower is not the same thing after you pick it.

The next time you have a problem with me, let's remember who has a problem.

Nothing is going to change, until you do.

You're not going to be able to drink all day, if you don't get started first thing in the morning.

Can't we just agree, EVERYTHING we say to each other is the most important thing.

Coming down the mountain this morning I realized how everything, absolutely everything is as hard as I want to make it, especially being happy.

I'm pretty sure when we move from here it will be to a place where we can see way more stars at night right from our own porch, except for cloudy nites.

She came to the realization her entire life had been one big side affect.

That whole tomorrow thing sure is a doozey.

One thing about the dead

they remind us to live.

Every single one of them

told me the same thing.

I guess I must have been about 40 the last time. I'd like to think it wasn't that long ago. Today, when the computer asked the clerk if the customer looked under 40, she did not hesitate to press the NO button. She also had no interest in checking me "out" if you know what I mean. I'm never going to be carded or checked-out again. There's more. This morning I was happy to read about a study that suggested being 10 to 15 pounds overweight was a good thing. I only need to lose 10 to 15 pounds to be 10 to 15 pounds overweight! There's more. I saw the Chinese (or some country) was recommending sex to their people because it helps the cardio-vascular system. As bad as my memory is, I do remember when sex was a work out. I also remember having sex after dark under the covers in the love tent, or was it a fort? There's more.

And now from some real people:

It's kind of nice getting up early, you go the whole day to do stuff. Amber royal. April 19th, 2010. 10:00AM.

I think of meditation as the act of showing up for your life, the one you actually have, now. John Tarrant.

That's it for this time.

My best, your bobJuan.

March Wrap

This picture was taken by our friend Lucky while we were visiting the Boyce Thompson Arboretum a couple weeks ago. I like it because it captures some of the beauty of the place and of course, the most beautiful thing in my life, my girl Cathy. And look, she can almost get her arm around my gut!

In March I celebrated my second anniversary as a non-smoker. I highly recommend it as a lifestyle change. I also had my 55th birthday. The best year of my life so far.

Here's what I've been thinking about this month:

He's got the whole world in his hands. Is there a problem?

I may (be) getting old, but you'll never seen me this young again.

It's amazing to me that as a country, we are not interested first, in taking care of each other, no matter what the cost. I'm just sayin.

How can you hear the voice of God if you don't shut up?

they say the fruit doesn't fall too far from the tree. I feel like I did.

it's impossible to make a dog stop loving you.

don't' ever take a salary so high it would compromise your willingness to leave a place.

When I lost all fear of death I became free and brave, and could go about the things that mattered.

If you're just gonna vote the ticket, why spend your time watching TV? The daily divider. Why not get out and find some things to be happy about. It's not like watching TV actually changes anything, well, except your blood pressure maybe, certainly not your mind. Do you really need a daily reminder of how right you are, and how wrong others are, while not actually doing anything? I'm just sayin. how's that working for us?

I became free and fearless when I realized the complete, utter love of God. Like I can do better than that. Thankfully, it has nothing to do with me. I remember when they used to call it "The Good News". They weren't kidding. I'm a child of The King! What can I do for you, all my stuff is already taken care of.

in the end, it will boil down to how well can you enjoy the day. start practicing.

we're so easily incensed these days. outraged even. a sad parade of victims. isn't it clear this way of doing things isn't working?

i can only take so much reality

I get in trouble and lose my way whenever I start to think my life should be different.

My Dr. wrote me a script for Viagra. He called it in. I went to the drive thru at Walgreen's and they sent the package thru that air-compressed delivery system thing. I opened it, there were 7 pills in there. I exclaimed to the pharmacist, a year's supply! She professionally laughed a little. I still am.

And from some real people:

The loudest sound on the earth, she thought, is a man with nothing to do. Kingsolver.

Imagination has to be completely exhausted before a person can realise the Truth. Meher Baba. Vol I. P. 53

The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is. --C. S. Lewis

That's it for this time. My best, your bobJuan.

February Wrap

A big month. Much company. Move loved ones. Too many pics for the blog. I posted some of my favorites over on my Picasa Page here.

Eli & Amber, Moms & Dads, Best of Friends, mountains. I won't bore you with my diary. Having Eric and Andy (my high-school buddies) here for a long weekend in Rocky Point was a long planned reunion and blessed me big. Eli and Amber stopped through on their way to South America for a 3 month blast. Mom & Dad came up to help Andy and Ryan make it official. On and On. We got a couple of weeks before more company, resting up, and getting ready.

Here's what I've been collecting this month:

Everytime I get happy, I remember how easy it is.

How can you hear the voice of God, unless you shut up. Or turn the TV off.

I woke up in the middle of the night wondering what God was doing before he created the heavens and the earth? I mean 6 days before he created Adam and Eve, what was he up to? Must have been lonely. I wonder if he has any regrets, we've become such an ungrateful bunch.

nothing is happening to me. period.

dominion <> cruel: Genesis 1:26

Everytime I start to think outside of the box, I get in trouble.

Of course I'll sleep with you.

You're in your 50s now, you should know why and what you're doing.

Since when did sitting on your couch, watching TV, having a strong opinion and voting the ticket become the definition of a patriot?

money: you can spend it on yourself or others. I say mix it up.

If it was God's will that George Bush was our president, how can it not be God's will that Barrack Obama is our president?

What is all this obsession with a nest egg? What does a nest egg have to do with a human being? It's like drinking cow's milk.

Have you ever seen the future? No, you haven't. It doesn't exist. What are you worrying about?

This morning I wanted some breakfast cooked by a Mexican. Fortunately, in this town, I can have that just about everywhere.

It's a creative writing class, not English 101.

And from some real people:

The goal of many leaders is to get people to think more highly of the leader. The goal of a great leader is to help people to think more highly of themselves. J. Carla Nortucutt.

It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word! Andrew Jackson.

My friend kevJuan shared this story with me on a hike recently. He told it in the context of how we (Americans) think everyone should live the way we do. I found a version of it on the internets.

A typhoon stranded a monkey on an island. In a protected place on the shore, while waiting for the raging waters to recede, he spotted a fish swimming against the current. It seemed to the monkey that the fish was struggling and needed assistance. Being of kind heart, the monkey resolved to help the fish.

At considerable risk to himself, the monkey moved far out on the precarious limb of a tree, reached down and snatched the fist from the waters. Scurrying back to the safety of his shelter, he carefully laid the fish on the dry ground. For a few moments, the fish showed excitement, but soon settled into a peaceful rest. An eastern parable.

That's it for this month. my best, your bobJuan.

Pic taken of old town, Puerto Penasco (Rocky Point).

January Wrap

Don't have much for the wrap this month. Been on the mountain a few times, once with both my girls. I don't need to say anything else about how good my life is.

Here's what I got:

When you're carrying your laptop, carry your laptop.

Another bathwater poem:

Make sure you know where the damn baby is

before you start doing anything with that bathwater.

I'm a citizen of the planet, first.

Everyone is doing at least one thing, that someone else thinks is wrong.

I told you not much. Here's some from some real people:

When you are at sea, keep clear of the land. Publilus Syrus.

The biggest, most unquestioned answer of our culture is our relationship with money. It is there that we keep alive -- at a high cost -- the flame and mythology of scarcity. Lynn Twist.

You can't hammer a nail over the Internet. Alan Binder.

That's it for this time.

my best, your bobJuan.

She knew someday she'd have to say "I told you so".

Once again Notso Hung leased the apartment to folks who were troubled. It wouldn't be so bad if he had any balls at all and would lay the smack down on the wayward ones. But Notso Hung is a pussy. Like his parents Unwell Hung and Shi SumWimp before him, he avoids all confrontation. His parents were raised during the final years of the NoCan Do Dynasty. Notso was a dud at birth.

Now he has Himso Dum and his son Sumyung Guy living next door completely out of control. Himso's wife, Shiso Dun left with her lover Himwell Hung two weeks ago. It was then that Notso's wife told him to kick Himso Dum out since it was just going to spiral out of control with no woman in charge. Of course Notso knew she was right, she was always right, and she knew he wouldn't do anything about it, he never did anything about it. Notso also knew it wouldn't be long before he'd hear how right she was again. He was glad she was in charge anyway.

This morning when Shiso Dun snuck into the apartment to steal her baby Sumyung, she found her little sister Shiso Yum in bed with Himso Dum. Gi Sus, you should have heard the racket. It was so bad Notso called the police; a rare display of courage. Himso tried to escape through the window with Sumyung. Fortunately the swat team was there to catch the little boy while Shiso Dun grabbed Himso Dum by his hair and dragged him back into the apartment.

Later they all thanked the brave swat officer MiLong Wong, for he saved SumYung Guy just as he was coming out the window. MiLong stayed around and encouraged Notso Hung to give the eviction notice. He was there too, to get another glimpse of Shiso Yum who was still undressed. Notso told Himso he was terminating the lease. When Himso asked why, Notsu turned to his wife and said, because Shi Sayso.

Picture found here:

Just Who Do You Think You Are?

This morning I finished reading The Wisdom Of Insecurity by Alan W. Watts for probably the 5th time. Amazon says I purchased the book in 2003. Hmmmm. I've read most of his other books too.

He deals with identity and time, and God really, afterall. He explains that perhaps man's biggest problem is one of identity. The idea that we are a separate "I". Who is that "I"? You can't have an "I" without all the rest of it, you can't separate "yourself" from all the rest of it. I'll stop there.

Here's some excerpts that I enjoyed this time thru:

... our age is one of frustration, anxiety, agitation, and addiction to "dope." Somehow we must grab what we can while we can, and drown out the realization that the whole thing is futile and meaningless. This "dope" we call our high standard of living, a violent and complex stimulation of the senses, which makes them progressively less sensitive and thus in need of yet more violent stimulation. We create distraction - a panorama of sights, sounds, thrills and titillations into which as much as possible must be crowded in the shortest possible time.

To keep up with this "standard" most of us are willing to put up with lives that consist largely in doing jobs that are a bore, earning the means to seek relief from the tedium by intervals of hectic and expensive pleasure. These intervals are supposed to be the real living, the real purpose served by the necessary evil of work. Or we imagine that the justification of such work is the rearing of a family to go on doing the same kind of thing in order to rear another family ... and so ad infinitum.

After all, the future is quite meaningless and unimportant unless, sooner or later, it is going to become the present. Thus to plan for a future which is not going to become present is hardly more absurd than to plan for a future which, when it comes to me, will find me "absent," looking fixedly over its shoulder instead of into its face.

But in the process of symbolizing the universe in this way or that for this purpose or that we seem to have lost the actual joy and meaning of life itself. All the various definitions of the universe have had ulterior motives, being concerned with the future rather than the present. Religion wants to assure the future beyond death, and science wants to assure it until death, and to postpone death. But tomorrow and plans for tomorrow can have no significance at all unless you are in full contact with the reality of the present, since it is in the present and only in the present that you live. There is no other reality than present reality, so that, even if one were to live for endless ages, to live for the future would be to miss the point everlastingly.

Death is the epitome of the truth that in each moment we are thrust into the unknown. Here all clinging to security is compelled to cease, and wherever the past is dropped away and safety abandoned, life is renewed. Death is the unknown in which all of us lived before birth.

Nothing is more creative than death, since it is the whole secret of life. It means that the past must be abandoned, that the unknown cannot be avoided, that "I" cannot continue, and that nothing can be ultimately fixed. When a man knows this, he lives for the first time in his life. By holding his breath, he loses it. By letting it go he finds it.

As long as you do not know how to die and come to life again, you are but a sorry traveler on this dark earth. Goeth.

The highest to which man can attain is wonder; and if the prime phenomenon makes him wonder, let him be content; nothing higher can it give him, and nothing further should he seek for behind it; here is the limit. Goeth.

It is obvious that the only interesting people are interested people, and to be completely interested is to have forgotten about "I".

Pic found here.

Singleton Mom's 3rd Annual Walk

Click on Michelle's Pic to go to my Fund Raising Page. Help me raise the money for the moms again this year!

December Wrap

We had a Royal Family Christmas at our place this year. My Mom & Dad came up from Yuma (where they are thawing for the season), Jamie, Denise and John came down from Colorado. Everyone else from Phoenix and a few other loved ones too. Cathy was in Mexico with the Droll clan. We missed her here, and I hear they missed me there. Next year we're gonna put an end to this missing business. Here's what I got for December. Whenever you hear someone say "it's just a job" you might be complaining too much. Whenever you hear yourself say "it's just a job" you might want to consider looking for a new one. In my job it's best I stay focused on just the little things. Excuses are so exhausting. Make sure you know exactly where that damn baby is before you start throwing out bath water. Let your pallate off the leash. When I grabbed her breast I was able to fully return to the moment and remember my purpose. A big part of our day involves just moving our stuff around. If you're thinking someone might get something of yours, that you have something that you may be threatened by another that you should and someone should not that there is another you've earned something you have a right oh my, watch out that's how all this crap got started. And now from some real people. The act of compassion begins with full attention. Daniel Goleman. Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. T.S. Eliot. All you have some day will be given; Therefore give now, that the season of giving may be yours and not your inheritors. Kahlil Gibran. Samurai: The priest Keiho related that Lord Aki once said that martial valor is a matter of becoming a fanatic. I thought that this was surprisingly in accord with my own resolve and thereafter became more and more extreme in my fanaticism. A smiling face is half the meal. Latvian Proverb. That's it for this time. All my love, your bobJuan.

The Fourth Hand - Book Report

I went with Cathy to a Book Sale a couple of months ago. I found the Irving section and bought all they had I didn't. This book was one of um. It's not his best work, and you don't need to hear that from me, but it's a great read and character study, as usual. The typical crazy Irving humor and sex, oh yes. A warm finish. Recommend = True.

Picture found here.

Singleton Moms - What We Do!

A Photo Challenge

Quick poem/story challenge: Check out Corrin's response here. Anybody else wanna get in? Here's mine:

My mom had me sit while she and her classmates from her native cultures writing class presented themselves to their instructor for their final. All the other students in the class are young. My Mom only takes these crazy night classes that are filled with young freaks, like social workers, creative writers, wannabe teachers, goofballs like that. People that are not afraid to act out and get naked, just like my Mom. It was all I could do to ignore their beautiful breasts. I met the instructor earlier in the semester, he’s a freak too. The shit I do for mom. I can’t believe my sisters don’t understand why I’m her favorite.

[pic found here.]

Fantasy#318

I was sitting on the patio she went to her car started it drove off nothing since been a while now. I chuckled at the time since, I've not stopped wondering about my girl who left the day after thanksgiving, in her pj's, dirty too a clean departure squeaky. i think she only had her purse and her keys of course I couldn't have done it better myself I always knew she was better than anyone she knew it too. i'm gonna have a garage sale there's some nice stuff of hers here i'll probably take a place downtown for a while maybe get the band back together she was a damn good woman to me.

Pic found here.

Smiling Backwards @ Section 59651

The following is the final poem for the semester. It is a conglemeration of lines from my classmates poems. It's nonsense really, unless you were there, then you may find a line or two of yours mixed up!

when i say dear god i mean it the deaths of others I have loved slipping through the painted red dust i kneel at your alters and i am altered and dirty our agendas have disappeared i have grown into some awful beast the kind that cries and has red meat hanging inside its chest lapping at my shorelines she taught me how to hold a joint stretching to my grandparents front porches she follows the path by the flow of their pain to hide within the lovely things and find again a childish dance the brown bitch beat defeat within a labyrinth of mumpsimus i do not think that word means what you think it means my only friends i hope you like swimming through an eye-wall of mistrust look someone dead in the face and let another heart begin like the wind in the palm of his hands you have started a fire in me softening my heart against my will I dreamed about the poem spoon and harpoon I dreamed you had written for me speak sweet in the tongue of mystery learn to lie for a living do as you please and please do everything while forest whole in crackle heard sweat slips between my breasts that sweet machine, that strangler team until my head slipped onto your shoulder, still attached without the band-aids of our clothes we are beasts a burning box of matches tend to leave my bed sheets sandy enough to send the scorpions running especially since you lit the match that started this brush fire the hickeys on my neck on my back with my chest wide open the same scene endlessly unwinds someone has eaten the sun from the sky it's fucked up while i was at war my wife was a whore choking from the ties that bind us for life i used my hair to soak the blood Making me question every word that flows from your mouth the chance of catching you keeps me up at nite this is what it is like to be alone the backs of my teeth are desperate oil and dust from nineteen years and endless money lust try twenty i don't want to see you when I close my eyes you're coming to me in my dreams you are supposed to be off-limits i will suck the wind out of you no one can out run lava i believe that slow ache religion i found when death was around took the liberty of our tongues i will shine it military grade to match my brother's shoes they did not shave his head turning those proud lions into stumbling kittens where your lips had claimed holy land the last time before that nothing visible occurred but ruah you seem to have forgotten that I have no problem quitting you i don't care as long as it pushes off my lips and hits you in the face your beehive mouth my quicksand tongue i spin like lance-fucking armstrong i have lied to you every night this week I am a botanists daughter with a black thumb permanently resting up his rectum that slow ache a second spinal cord cold in my crack secured by a gordian knot growing in me words to make you fall in love and speak in tongues i hear the floor squeal against your eager limbs I'm physically aching for phantom appendages I slip in to your eyelids i would do it again how about you i would eat my mental tongue if my mental teeth obeyed from the heart to the hand we tumble, tumble you seem built to hold on to things i would be the greatest mistake of your life leash leading exercise in the green swimming pool dremel tools sharpen teeth we took turns playing the big dipper i wish we could've called it love making you make it hard your succubus started coming undone blaspheming and bellowing the sheets smelled a lot like fear i dream in colossus how to do this without really doing it i keep myself in the company of volcanoes an alternative to ice the desert's dusty streets miss your wandering hands we've always been each others shores two wishes at the same time for the same thing the hunger to write your life story on our bed sheets i can't seem to shake any of you my pores have turned into oceans i know where the moon is at daybreak i am outgrowing my allotted space in the universe astrology is asinine will there be some evidence of who i was when the smoke so sweet to me earlier quit the breath of my two little boys will i remember, in a year, who I was today? the me now in these nights is all that you need so instead of throwing a hand grenade plan an expedition to the tip top of my breasts we can't say no we tread on uneasy skin i still don't know what you look like naked